Konstantin Kisin, and the “really f–ing weird” view on stay-at-home moms

I was lifting in my yard on Tuesday afternoon when I had to stop everything that I was doing.

Throughout the lift, I was listening to Konstantin Kisin on Modern Wisdom, a podcast hosted by Chris Williamson.

Maybe you’ve heard of Kisin. Maybe you haven’t. He’s the host of the Triggernometry Podcast and exploded into the mainstream when a roughly nine minute speech at the Oxford Union, titled Woke Culture Has Gone Too Far, went viral this past January. It has 2 million views and counting.

The podcast clip that had me pause in between sets had nothing to do with wokeness – or maybe everything, depending on how far the scope of wokeness extends – but his view on parenthood.

“One of the things that I find really f—ing weird, man, since we had our son is people will go to my wife and go ‘You’re just at home?’ And I go ‘What do you mean just at home? Are you f—ing insane? She’s raising our son and providing everything that we need as a family. And you’re calling that just a thing?’ A lot of women will judge other women for being just at home. And I think – this doesn’t apply to everybody – for most women, the greatest gift their partner can give them is the opportunity if they want to be at home with the children, to do that…It’s the greatest gift.”

I’ve had a son, Austin – coincidentally, that’s where Delaney and I met and where Williamson hosts his show – for a little more than six months now. My wife, Delaney, has been, as Kisin said, “just at home” for all six of those months – and by “just at home” of course, we mean: Feeding him every meal, tending to him at night, nurturing him, teaching how to roll, working on his coordination, entertaining him, playing with him, loving him, singing to him, holding him, rocking him.

Keeping him alive.

Becoming a parent has been a fascinating peek into the expectations, or lack thereof, much of society now has for parents. As a dad, I’ve discovered, to my amusement and also confusion, how remarkable many view it to simply be involved in the life of my child. Every morning, I strap Austin onto my chest and we walk for a mile and a half or so, stopping by Starbucks or Bolt or whatever coffee shop is the choice of the morning. Nearly every morning, someone has stopped to say what an incredible thing that is, for a father to be with his son. At least once a week, someone will stop me to say that seeing us walking together, Austin’s legs dangling and waving from the carrier, his blue eyes peering out, drool dripping and leaking all over his bib, has made their day.

Nobody has ever told Delaney that.

Not one.

Is that not bizarre?

It is, as Kisin said, “the greatest gift.” And it’s not an easy one. Williamson cited a study that found that 85 percent of women would like the opportunity to be a stay at home mom, but the financials don’t add up.

It’s a hard thing. Really hard.

When Delaney and I got married and began discussing having children, we both agreed that certain sacrifices would have to be made in order for one of us to be home with Austin. That meant she wouldn’t return to coaching, as she did at Pepperdine for nearly half a decade. That meant she wouldn’t pursue another job or career on a full-time basis. Part-time work, when available, would be great when the time allowed, but only when doing so wouldn’t sacrifice anything with our son or his development.

Her new career then, has been “just at home.”

Just a mom.

As if being just a mom isn’t one of the most important roles, alongside being just a dad, in the world. As if raising our son to be a good man in a society that is becoming bereft of them isn’t vital to the next generation, and the generation after that, in perpetuity. As if being just a mom is easy, or somehow setting women back.

As if being just a mom isn’t what Delaney, as she likes to say, “is divinely appointed to do.”

Women have superpowers. Powers that men don’t have.

Delaney grew a human being.

She grew one.

In her own body.

Now she can feed the human being she grew with the perfect, all-in-one food for our son, a custom-fit meal that adjusts to his body’s every need that she brews herself, with no conscious effort, because women are superheroes with superpowers like that.

I can do no such things. Men can do no such things.

Only those who are “just at home” wield such superpowers.

I love it when people stop me to say that it’s made their day to see a father with his son. I truly do. It should make our days when we see children being loved by their parents. Just as it should revert to the norm that “just at home” is the most important job in the world, one with the most invaluable of price tags.

One that is, as Kisin said, the greatest gift.